Christmas After Santa
The first holiday season after a child learns The Mysterious, Maybe Awful TRUTH about Santa can be hard. My son asked me soon after Halloween, and did not take the news well. The next few months were rough in our family.
As a parent, I felt like a failure. I searched for resources, but I couldn't find what I was looking for. With my daughter's enlightenment around the corner, I wanted to do better when her time came.
Here's what I learned about how to talk to your child about Santa, The Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny.
Kids react in different ways, but having a plan, and anticipating their feelings can make a big difference.
Why is the transition from "believer" to "informed" so hard?
The new knowledge is sad. Heartbreaking, in fact. Suddenly, they've "lost" one of the most treasured and anticipated aspects of Christmas - a visit from the big guy. The elf's magic fizzles. The anticipation flops.
The path is uncertain. There's no known "next step" for kids or their parents. The jig is up, and without a little creativity, the holiday season can feel a little blah.
It generates more questions. Often, once one magical being falls, the others crash down behind it. "So, is everything like this?" my own son said when we had THE TALK. The Tooth Fairy? The Easter Bunny? Jesus?
Kids may feel angry and hurt. Some kids feel lied to - by their parents, by extended family, and by society as a whole. Other kids feel they were played the fool.
They can't even talk about it. Conscientious grownups should advise their child to not talk about what they've learned with other kids. But this can leave the child feeling isolated, unable to process their new information. Or, kids who don't comprehend the importance of guarding holiday secrets can suddenly become the font of all knowledge, spilling the beans to any child who will listen.
As a parent, I felt like a failure. I searched for resources, but I couldn't find what I was looking for. With my daughter's enlightenment around the corner, I wanted to do better when her time came.
Here's what I learned about how to talk to your child about Santa, The Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny.
Kids react in different ways, but having a plan, and anticipating their feelings can make a big difference.
Why is the transition from "believer" to "informed" so hard?
The new knowledge is sad. Heartbreaking, in fact. Suddenly, they've "lost" one of the most treasured and anticipated aspects of Christmas - a visit from the big guy. The elf's magic fizzles. The anticipation flops.
The path is uncertain. There's no known "next step" for kids or their parents. The jig is up, and without a little creativity, the holiday season can feel a little blah.
It generates more questions. Often, once one magical being falls, the others crash down behind it. "So, is everything like this?" my own son said when we had THE TALK. The Tooth Fairy? The Easter Bunny? Jesus?
Kids may feel angry and hurt. Some kids feel lied to - by their parents, by extended family, and by society as a whole. Other kids feel they were played the fool.
They can't even talk about it. Conscientious grownups should advise their child to not talk about what they've learned with other kids. But this can leave the child feeling isolated, unable to process their new information. Or, kids who don't comprehend the importance of guarding holiday secrets can suddenly become the font of all knowledge, spilling the beans to any child who will listen.
How can grownups help?
While there's no "right" way or "wrong" time or way to handle THE TALK, there are some things that can help the transition from "believer" to "big kid."
Prepare ahead. If your little ones haven't asked the question yet, now is the time to think about what you'll say. If they see you flustered, they might feel as though something is wrong.
Celebrate with them. Your child is growing up! Congratulate your child, and point out other evidence of their growing maturity. (Our medallions was created just for this purpose.)
Prepare ahead. If your little ones haven't asked the question yet, now is the time to think about what you'll say. If they see you flustered, they might feel as though something is wrong.
Celebrate with them. Your child is growing up! Congratulate your child, and point out other evidence of their growing maturity. (Our medallions was created just for this purpose.)
Explain their new responsibility. Make a contract with your child to help them keep seasonal secrets safe. (Download a free printable contract.)
Be available, and be truthful. Find a time, away from younger kids who aren't in-the-know, to answer questions your child may have. Assure them that you will be truthful, and follow through on that promise.
Bring them in on the fun. Let your child help with the younger kids, or start a new Secret Santa project for a family member, friend or neighbor. Shop for a needy child, and explain that you're being Santa.
Start a new tradition. What's something else you could do with that elf? Would your child like to stuff a stocking for you this year? Or, give them a book so they can activate their induction into The Society of Seasonal Secretkeepers.
Be available, and be truthful. Find a time, away from younger kids who aren't in-the-know, to answer questions your child may have. Assure them that you will be truthful, and follow through on that promise.
Bring them in on the fun. Let your child help with the younger kids, or start a new Secret Santa project for a family member, friend or neighbor. Shop for a needy child, and explain that you're being Santa.
Start a new tradition. What's something else you could do with that elf? Would your child like to stuff a stocking for you this year? Or, give them a book so they can activate their induction into The Society of Seasonal Secretkeepers.
Make it Even More Special
After finding a void in resources for this transition, I decided to create something new just for these kids. Together with my husband, a team of moms going through the same stage, and a family counselor, I wrote The Society of Seasonal Secretkeepers Field Guide: Ancient Secrets for Modern Kids.
It's a special gift set for kids, designed to be completed together with grown-ups in their home.
We drew on themes our kids love - mysterious undercover agents, magical ancient secrets, and fun, but meaningful tasks to help them achieve the ranking of Secret Agent. We included a section to record and understand family traditions, and a set of secret missions. We included creative thinking and writing exercises, places to draw, a personality test, and more.
After finding a void in resources for this transition, I decided to create something new just for these kids. Together with my husband, a team of moms going through the same stage, and a family counselor, I wrote The Society of Seasonal Secretkeepers Field Guide: Ancient Secrets for Modern Kids.
It's a special gift set for kids, designed to be completed together with grown-ups in their home.
We drew on themes our kids love - mysterious undercover agents, magical ancient secrets, and fun, but meaningful tasks to help them achieve the ranking of Secret Agent. We included a section to record and understand family traditions, and a set of secret missions. We included creative thinking and writing exercises, places to draw, a personality test, and more.
To make the moment feel official, we designed and had minted a beautiful medallion. It can be hung on the Christmas tree, worn as a necklace, displayed on the wall, or tucked away in a treasure box. Minted of heirloom-quality metal, it's created to last, and be passed on when your child has kids of their own.
Give your growing child an extra special gift this year,
Give your growing child an extra special gift this year,